The Dreadful Promotion
by No professor here
Summary: Humphrey received an urgent phone call. Sir Arnold Robinson, the Cabinet Secretary and one of the most powerful people in the government, wanted Humphrey to pop to his office for a chat. Yes, he and Humphrey were friends for a long time now but with a person like Sir Arnold you never know… Humphrey quickly straightened his tie and went to Sir Arnold's.


Sir Humphrey knocked on the door and opened it. Sir Arnold Robinson was sitting casually behind his desk looking through some government papers. He did not lift his gaze from the documents despite Humphrey's presence; obviously he knew his guest has arrived and wanted to show his superiority.

Humphrey cleared his throat and smiled at Arnold.

"Ah, Humphrey! I was expecting you!" the Cabinet Secretary smiled politely but still distantly "Have a seat."

Humphrey sat down opposite Arnold. "Arnold, what can I do for you?" he asked in a friendly voice.

"Oh, why do you assume I'd want you to do something?" Arnold replied, the same grin on his face.

"On what do I owe this unexpected invitation during working hours then?"

Arnold gave a little laugh. "You are a clever boy, Humphrey!" he said.

"I had 53 years to learn." Humphrey replied.

"It has to do with your minister." Arnold finally came to the point.

"Oh, but he's been so good lately!"

"Yes…" Arnold nodded "And that is why the Prime Minister feels he is in for a promotion! A special task!"

"He will be pleased, I imagine." Humphrey said carefully; he was not sure where this was going yet so decided to show as little emotions as possible.

"Yes!" Arnold said in a voice one might use when trying to convince a 6-year old to eat its vegetables. "It is a tremendous promotion! Many, many men were hoping to get it!"

"Indeed? And what are my minister's new duties? Because as we know he is quite a busy man as it is!"

"Oh, it won't take much of his time, he'd hardly notice it!" Arnold shrugs his shoulders. "But it is extremely desirable! In fact, till the very last moment the PM wasn't quite sure whether to give this promotion to your minister! But in the end, you got lucky!"

"I did, didn't I?" Humphrey said through his teeth. This promotion sounded like a disaster so far.

Arnold nodded again and his smile grew wider and wider as he spoke.

"If I were you and your minister, I'd be very excited about it!"

"Oh."

"Indeed. So are you pleased?"

"I am pleased to be talking to you, Arnold, but it appears you keep forgetting to enlighten me on the nature of that happy event." Humphrey said "In other words, what is the promotion?!"

"Oh, did I miss telling you that?" Arnold said with a laugh that made Humphrey feel even more uneasy about the 'promotion'.

"Yes, yes, you did…"

"Here it is then. Your minister has been appointed Special Representative of Great Britain in the EU Convention on immigration!"

"Special Representative of what?!"

"Britain in the EU." Arnold explained.

"But that's not his job!" Humphrey protested.

"It is now!" Arnold snorted.

"But Britain already has a Representative!"

"Yes, but this is a special EU meeting, lots of cameras and press coverage. The PM feels that it would be better to send a friendlier and more caring cabinet minister such as yours for this new special meeting. It looks very impersonal otherwise, the PM thinks."

Humphrey was furious. He quickly calculated all the downsides of this new promotion and he did not like it!

"Arnold, must we really honour MY minister with that?" he said with a gentle smile on his face "I am sure you have lots of capable men at your disposal!"

"Don't be silly, Humphrey! Capable! They're all Cabinet Ministers!" Arnold laughed "Your Jim is perfect! Trust me! And anyway, it is the Prime Minister's distinct wish to appoint him!"

"You could persuade the Prime Minister—"

"I can do nothing of the sort!" Arnold interrupted him annoyed "I am the Prime Minister's humble servant!"

'You are the puppeteer!' Humphrey thought to himself but dared not speak.

"Look, Arnold, I only meant that you should encourage the Prime Minister to see all perspectives on the matter…"

Arnold coldly shook his head. Humphrey realized Arnold now expected him to leave. Well not just yet!

"Arnold, I refuse to put my minister through all that!" he said passionately "That job is a political suicide! You'd expect my minister to go there, say what you tell him to and take the punches! He'd lose votes!"

"Since when do you care of his votes?" Arnold asked sarcastically.

"I'm not! I care only of my department!" Humphrey said "We need a popular minister!"

"Humphrey, it is out of the question that the Prime Minister changes heart on that matter! Your minister is taking this responsibility! Live with it!"

Humphrey glared at the Cabinet Secretary. At this moment he was ready to strangle him. He was tricked. It all happened on that additional meeting Arnold had with all the Permanent Secretaries. Sir Frank intentionally misled Humphrey that the meeting was at half past 12 whereas it started 2 hours earlier. By the time Humphrey was there, they were all gone! Humphrey knew it was then when they decided who to be the victim of this new scheme, who to be sacrificed!

"Oh, I kept you from your work much longer than I anticipated!" Arnold exclaimed suddenly returning to the polite smiles of couple of minutes ago "Don't let me keep you here!"

Humphrey left the office. There was nothing to be done now. But it was not over yet! Nothing was decided until the Minister accepts the job; and Humphrey will make sure he declines it!


End file.
